Bullying and being bullied is not, and should not be, considered a normal part of growing up.  Although all youth will endure at some point in their life a tease, a put down or difficulty with peers, intentional and repeated actions and words that are intended to intimidate or hurt can not be accepted or tolerated.  The single most effective deterrent to bullying is an adult authority and pro-active intervention. 

Without action, both the aggressor and the victim are at serious risk.     

Bullying can have both short and long term negative effects on social, emotional, physical, and academic development.  Bullying can break the law.  The short term effects of bullying can result in isolation from peers, feeling fearful, feeling insecure, not feeling safe, developing negative attitudes, emotional difficulties, and impede learning.   The long terms effects of bullying can result in negative behavior, anxiety, drinking, drug usage, depression, physical illness, problems with future relationships, suicide, and violence. 

Studies have established a strong correlation between those students that have engaged in bullying behavior and later experiencing legal or criminal troubles as adults.  In one study, 60% of boys that bullied in grades 6 – 9 had at least one criminal conviction by age 24 and 40% of them had three or more arrests (Olweus 1991).  Early intervention is critical!  

There are internal and external causes of bullying.  Bullying can often be the result of complex factors including socialization difficulties, learning difficulties, individual beliefs, individual bias, behavior, early signs of aggression, the use of alcohol or other drugs, and circumstances unique to the individual.  Bullying behavior might be the first outward symptom presented.  Some bullying behavior can be prompted by feelings of helplessness, insecurity, depression, and a strong desire for attention or acceptance.   Some children that are bullies may have problems with low self-esteem, while other children desire power over others.  Some children that are bullies were previously the victims of bullying.  Media influences can also contribute to bullying behavior, name calling, and contradictory messages (see Media Section of The Book).  

Some warning signs that a child might be a bully:

·         Physically aggressive (hits, kicks, pushes or chokes other children)

·         Verbally attacks other children (name calling, threats)

·         Intentionally excludes other children or manipulates friendships

·         Makes faces or obscene gestures

·         Difficulty with socialization skills

      There are many causes of being a victim of bullying.  Victims that have been bullied should not feel that they did something to bring on a situation of bullying.  Being a victim of bullying is not a “rite of passage”.  Although there are some generalizations about children that have been the victim of bullying, all children are at risk for being bullied.   Regardless of race, gender, ethnicity, religion, disability, sexual orientation, native language, native land or origin, political opinions, personal beliefs, personality, social economics, family dynamics, athletic ability, academic performance, personal appearance, clothing, perceived “differences”, relationship with peers, perceived popularity, memberships and associations, etc…being a victim of bullying is an equal opportunity risk factor. 

Some warning signs that a child is being bullied:

·         Unexplained bruising or injuries

·         Becoming isolated, and not wanting to leave home.

·         Being afraid about attending school or other activities and events

·         Comes home with damaged, or missing clothing or personal items.

·         Change in eating habits, poor appetite, headaches, and stomachaches

·         Appears anxious, depressed, tearful or shows unexpected mood swings

·         Has problems sleeping

·         Doesn’t have friends or is having problems with friends

·         Avoids places and takes alternate routes to and from school

·         Decline in academic performance and loses interest in school

·         Talks about suicide

Bullying Facts:

·         Every day in America, 160,000 children miss school for fear of being bullied (National Association of School Psychologists 2001).

·         One third of students are involved in bullying.  About 11% of all children report being bullied and about 13% of all children report being bullies.  The majority of bullying happens at school.  36% of younger children will tell, only 5% of older students tell.  Boys are more likely to be bullies/targets of bullying.  Girls are more frequently the targets of malicious rumors, sexual harassment and jeers (Natl. Institute of Child Health and Human Development).

·         There is a difference between teasing and bullying.  Teasing and its outcomes are often NOT intended.  Bullying and its outcomes are always intentional. 

·         The perpetrator(s) of teasing are sometimes

o   unaware they are creating a hostile environment

o   unaware of the target’s feelings, and

o   inclined to stop when they realize the harm of their actions.  The perpetrator(s) that is aware of the outcomes and continues the intentional behavior is considered to be the perpetrator of bullying. 

·         Bullying behavior has changed.  Some examples of yesterday’s bullies include:  name calling, nasty notes, leaving someone out, ignoring someone, threatening, scaring, hitting and kicking, coercing, and damaging property.  Today’s bullies humiliate and manipulate, isolate and ostracize.  The most worrisome bullies punch, poke, strangle, suffocate, pull hair, bend fingers, bite, stab, burn, poison and shoot victims.  In the most extreme cases, cornered victims fight back with firepower, killing their tormentors or committing suicide (see Violence section of The Book). 

·         Internet bullying.  Bullies can now reach their victim using the internet.  Instant messaging, cell phones, and websites are being used to humiliate, spread rumors, gossip, and intentionally isolate their victim socially.   

·         Bullying can be a legal issue.  Bullying breaks the law when it becomes:  Extortion, theft, assault, battery, hazing, murder, arson, rape, a violation of civil rights, Hate crime, and sexual harassment. 

·         Bullying is not always “age alike.” Some victims of bullies are younger or older than the perpetrator.  Adults can be bullies.   

·         Bullying has played a role in school violence.  A study by the National Threat Assessment Center found that of the 37 school shootings since 1974, two thirds of the attackers felt “persecuted, bullied or threatened.”  In over half, revenge was the motivation.

WHAT YOU NEED TO DO

You can help prevent bullying.  Understanding the effectiveness of adult responses to bullying is a critical first step.  Parents and adults provide a fundamental component in helping our communities and schools maintain a safe environment and provide a positive climate for our children to develop.  Parents can have a positive impact by becoming actively involved and responding to bullying.    

      Every effort must be made to assure our youth that bullying and mean spirited teasing, taunting, and name-calling is not acceptable.  Talk to your child about bullying.  Listen to what your child is telling you.  Encourage your child to report bullying incidents to you. Bullying incidents that occur at school should be reported.  Even if your child is not a victim of bullying, teach your child to inform an adult if witness to an incident of bullying.  Talk to other parents, neighbors and adult youth leaders about bullying and the importance of responding to bullying.    

Positive steps to reduce bullying can be achieved by a number of actions: 

·         Communicate:  encourage your child to communicate with you.

·         Listen:  listen to your child and reassure them of any concerns they might have.

·         Confidence:  praise your child and create confidence.  Self-confident children   are less likely to be a victim of bullying.

·         Friendships:  children that have friendships and feel connected are less likely to be a victim of bullying. 

·         Participate:  encourage participation in sports and group activities.

·         Adult role models:  Set good examples of behavior.  Children that observe aggressive behavior between adults might be more likely to act aggressively toward other children. 

·         Social Skills: try to help your child develop good social skills.

·         Avoid being alone:  Have your child be with friends, walk with friends, eat with friends, etc.  Avoid areas that do not have adult supervision.

·         Report:  encourage your child to report incidents at school.

·         Respond:  tell your child how to respond to bullying behavior. Find an adult.  Do not fight back.   

·         Be a friend: Encourage your child to be a friend.

·         Involve other parents and volunteer:  work to assure that children in your neighborhood are closely supervised.  Help schools provide adult supervision.

·         Provide Life Skills and Assets:  help your child develop life assets (refer to The 40 Developmental Assets section of The Book).

What to do if your child is bullied:  

·         Teach your child not to fight back.

·         Report the incident to your child’s school.

·         Meet with your child’s teacher and/or school administrator.

·         Talk to your child to develop strategies for dealing with the bully.

·         Seek help from your medical provider.

What to do if your child is a bully:

·         Inform your child that bullying is serious and not acceptable

·         Find out what has created the behavior

·         Maintain contact with your child’s teacher and/or school administrator

·         Seek help and take bullying seriously. 

The most important thing you can do for your children is to respond and provide appropriate intervention. 

Additional Parenting Resources:

Safe Schools Tip Line –  (925) 820-5632

Realizing the importance of creating and maintaining a healthy and safe community for our youth, the San Ramon Valley Unified School District Tip Line is available to students, staff members, parents and community members to report any acts of school violence or vandalism.   Callers may leave an anonymous message.

Contra Costa Crisis Center – 1-800-863-7600

If you, or someone that you know is feeling threatened by violence, the Contra Costa Crisis Center hotline has access to counselors. 

www.no-bully.com,   www.easingtheteasing.com

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