Violence in teen relationships is almost as prevalent as in adult relationships. The current statistics state that almost 1 out of 3 teens in the Bay area will experience violence sometime in their dating relationships. Violence for this statistic is defined as physical or sexual abuse and extreme controlling behavior. Even though young women say that emotional abuse is the most damaging type of abuse, it is not included in this statistic.
The violence that happens in teen relationships is the same as in adult relationships–it is just as severe. It happens just as often, and it follows the same cycle. Women stay in violent relationships for the same reasons regardless of age, with these few situations specific to teen relationships:
· Teens are under peer pressure to be in dating relationships, so there is pressure for women to stay in a relationship, even when there is abuse.
· Teens are in the process of becoming independent so they want to make decisions on their own, which makes it difficult to talk to parents about dating violence
· A teen woman may stay in a relationship to please her parents if they like the boyfriend, or to remind the parents of her independence if her parents do not like the boyfriend
· A young woman may be confused about what is normal dating behavior if this is her first dating relationship
Types of Violence
STAND! (Battered Women’s Alternatives) describes four types of violence. All of the examples of abuse that happen in adult relationships also happen in teen relationships. The following are a few examples of incidents specific to teens.
- Physical Abuse: Physical abuse usually begins with jokingly pinching too hard, play fighting, or hitting accidentally. Physical abuse can be confusing to young people when in the past adults have said that physical punishment is for their own good, and that it hurts the adult more than it hurts you. These messages can create a distorted connection between love and violence, which set women up to accept abuse in dating relationships. Young women make the connection that if my parent hits me for my own good, and my boyfriend says that’s why he does it too, it must be true.
- Sexual Abuse: Teens are learning about their sexuality and what is appropriate in sexually active relationships so it may be difficult for them to discern what is abuse and what is normal. Date rape, coercion, sex without protection, “sharing” one’s girlfriend with friends, and forcing a woman to get pregnant are examples of sexual abuse in teen relationships.
- Emotional Abuse: This type of abuse is particularly confusing. Emotional abuse may sound like a backwards compliment, e.g., “I love your hair except when you wear it like that.” Controlling may sound like caring, e.g., “Your parents sure put you down a lot, let’s just be alone together and no one will ever hurt you again.” Emotional abuse is insidious. It begins with declarations of love that quickly lead women to question themselves and it isolates them from people who are supportive.
- Financial Abuse: Examples include forcing her to quit school, cut classes, not study, or taking her books, clothes and favorite possessions and destroying them. It also includes pressure to have children—girls as young as 12 have described this pressure from boyfriends. Teen castaways or throwaways feel trapped to stay with abusive boyfriends who pay the bills.
Hope. While the incidents of dating violence and the severity of violence seem to be increasing, so also is the number of teens seek help from a caring adult. Both the victim and the abuser need help in order for the cycle of violence to stop.
Remember, the victim is not at fault.
Nothing he or she has done causes the abuse and unless help is sought, the abuse won’t stop.
Effects of Battering over time on:
Women: Isolation from others, low self-esteem, depression, increased alcohol or drug abuse, emotional problems, illness, pain and injuries, permanent physical damage, death.
Children: Emotional problems, illness, increased fears, anger, increased risk of abuse, injuries and death; repetition of abusive behavior.
Men: Increased belief that power and control are achieved by violence, increase in violent behavior, increased contact with law enforcement, more emotional problems, and lower self-esteem.
Society: Increase in crime, increase in legal, police, medical, counseling and prison costs; perpetuation of cycle of violence; perpetuation of myths of inequality of women and men; decreased quality of life.
| Facts on Battering: · Battering of women is the most under-reported crime in America. · 3 to 4 million American women are battered each year. · 95% of all spouse abuse cases are women who are hurt by men. · Battering occurs among people of all races. · A battering incident is rarely an isolated event. · Many batterers learned violent behavior growing up in an abusive family. |
Signs of an Abusive Relationship
An abusive relationship is when a boyfriend/girlfriend/ partner has:
· withheld approval, appreciation or affection as punishment
· continually criticized a partner, called names, shouted
· ignored partner’s feelings
· ridiculed or insulted partner’s most valued beliefs—religion, race, class or sexual orientation
· being very jealous; constantly accused of cheating
· insisted partner dress the way he/she wants
· humiliated partner in private or public
· insulted or driven away from friends or family
· taken away car keys or money
· locked partner out of the house or car
· thrown objects at partner
· abused pets to hurt partner
· punched, shoved, slapped, bit, kicked, choked or hit partner
· raped partner
· threatened to commit suicide if partner leaves
Resources begin on page 136, Web Sources on 165
