CASA

Adolescence is a time of testing boundaries, experimenting, developing character and moving toward independence.

Achieving a fulfilling and loving relationship, delaying sexual intimacy, or accepting the responsibilities that come with sex can be difficult for adults and doubly hard for adolescents.  Sex can complicate relationships and opens the door to a whole series of emotional, psychological, physical and social issues that most teens are not equipped or ready to handle.  How to prevent pregnancy and STD’s (which are currently spreading at epidemic proportions) becomes an immediate concern.  Add to that the emotional and psychological impact, all of which is often difficult to discuss, especially with parents.

         As parents, we worry about the situations facing our children.  We want our children to have positive experiences and at the same time, to be safe.  We want them to uphold the values they have been taught and grow up to become healthy adults of character and integrity.  With so many unrealistic and unhealthy depictions of sex exposed through the media and with the tremendous peer pressure kids face, we must constantly reinforce our values through our words and actions and by talking to our teens about these issues. We need to be positive role models of what a healthy relationship looks like. The most effective way parents can do this is by modeling it, by lovingly giving our children the information they need and by equipping them with tools to make healthy decisions.

Statistics:

·         More teenagers in America become pregnant and have multiple partners than anywhere else in the world.

·         America leads the industrialized world in sexually transmitted disease.

·         1 in 4 sexually active youth acquire a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD) annually.

·         50% of all teens are sexually active by the 10^th grade.

·         Nearly two-thirds of all teens that have had sex wish they had waited.

·         According to 50% of all teens, oral sex isn’t sex.

·         Oral sex is a high-risk behavior that can lead to many STDs including HIV/AIDS, HPV (genital warts), genital Herpes, Chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis.

·         Teenagers exposed to a lot of sexual content on TV are more than twice as likely to seek sexual intimacy in a year’s time as peers who watch very little.

·         Studies show that teen girls who have close relationships with their mothers and whose mothers discourage sexual activity wait longer for their first sexual experience.

·         The Heritage Foundation released a study in June 2003 stating that “sexually active teens, particularly girls, are far more likely to be depressed or attempt suicide than those who were not sexually active.”

·         80% of women and 50% of men initially show no symptoms once they have contracted an STD.

·         Human Papilloma Virus (HPV), otherwise known as genital warts, is considered the most prevalent STD, causing over 90% of cervical cancer. At least 20 million Americans are currently infected.

·         Cervical cancer kills more women each year than AIDS.

·         Condoms do not provide complete protection from STDs. Condoms provide little protection against HPV.

·         It is estimated that 20% of all Americans over the age of 12 are infected with genital Herpes, and this is not the most common STD.

·         Up to 40% of women with untreated Chlamydia will develop Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID) and, of those, 20% will become infertile.

·         Teenagers are less likely than older women to practice contraception without interruption over the course of a year and more likely to practice contraception sporadically or not at all.

·         20% of teens aged 12-18 years using the pill get pregnant within 6 months. 20% of teens 18 years and younger using condoms get pregnant over a period of one year.

·         About 840,000 teenage girls in the United States become pregnant each year.

·         More than 80% of single mothers under 18 years of age end up in poverty and reliant on welfare assistance.

WHY???

Here are a few reasons why teens are engaging in sexual activity:

·         Media - Children and teens are inundated with sexual messages: In America, we are hit with an average of 14,000 sexual messages per year. Currently, there is an average of three sexual acts per hour on television, and 97% of all sex on TV is shown outside of marriage. With the prevalence of home computers, internet pornography is now widely available, and most teens have seen a pornographic image by the time they’re 12 or 13.

·         Peer Pressure:  86% of boys and 70% of girls felt pressured by their peers to become sexually active. Additionally, 83% of girls felt pressured by their boyfriends to have sex. (Mark Clements Research Survey, 3/96)  Most teens now view sex as a purely casual act that does not require any level of commitment.

·         Lack of Parental Involvement: Because of the demands on many parents, especially in single-parent homes, many parents are spending less quality time with their children. As a result, they haven’t developed relationships with their children and often don’t know their children’s friends or what they’re involved in.  They have a hard time understanding the world their children are living in and don’t know where to begin in talking about these issues. And parents too frequently are embarrassed to talk to teens about sex.

·         Lack of information: Teens need the facts. Unfortunately, it is assumed that most teens will have sex, so the primary information they’re given is how to use a condom. This assumes that they cannot make a wise choice. They need to be empowered with all the facts. The facts are that there are risks that need to be considered, even with condoms, and that these risks can have long-term consequences. They need to understand what a healthy relationship looks like and how they can set healthy boundaries. They need to be given every opportunity to make the best choice possible.

·         Fear & Guilt Isn’t Always the Best Motivation: Threatening to kick your 16 year old out if she gets pregnant isn’t the most effective way to prevent her from being sexually active. The most effective motivation is that rooted in love. When teens feel loved by their parents and have a relationship with them, they will be more likely to listen. The best thing you can do is build a relationship with your teen and share the facts with them in a loving way.

·         Drugs & Alcohol:  85% of girls surveyed cited alcohol as a major factor leading to sex (Mark Clements Research Survey, 3/96).   Actually, “risk-taking” which includes using alcohol and drugs, is a reliable indicator of those who are more likely to have had intercourse at an early age (1990 Youth Risk Behavior Survey). Let’s face it…when you drink, you don’t think. Not a good equation for a teen.

·         Emotional factors:  Many teens are looking for love because many of them don’t feel they are getting it at home. Statistics prove that girls who do not have a healthy father figure in their lives are more likely to become sexually active at a young age. Many teens do not understand that sex does not equal love and that it doesn’t secure a relationship. In fact, most often it does the opposite. Many teens don’t realize how becoming sexually active at an early age can have serious emotional, and not just physical, ramifications.

·         Physical factors:  Teens are experiencing physical changes. They’re bodies are raging with hormones, so it’s no wonder they’re curious. As a rule, girls are maturing at an earlier age and marrying at a later age. Typically, women begin having intercourse 7 years before marriage; men 10 years (Forest & Silverman, 1989).

What can parents do?

·         Get to know your teen. Build a relationship with them. Spend non-agenda time with your teen. It’s about quantity, not quality. Feeling ignored or misunderstood can lead to risk-taking behavior such as alcohol and drug use, which is clearly associated with early sexual activity (Youth Society, 1992). Model healthy affection for them and don’t stop once they’re a teen. Be a safe place for them to come. Make sure they know they are loved unconditionally. Be real and honest – it’s ok to make mistakes. Have 2-way conversations.  Don’t lecture – ask questions. Be aware that negative communication can hurt. In a study of adolescent boys and their families, parental hostility blocked family problem solving and negatively affected parent-child relationships (Journal of Adolescent Research, 1994).

·         Be the parent. Be involved in your teen’s life through leisure time activities, volunteering together, religious activities, schools and friends.  Know whom they are with, where they are going, how you can reach them, what they’ll be doing and when they’ll be home.  Set clear boundaries for them and stick to the consequences.

·         Educate yourself and your teen.  Educate yourself and know the facts.  Supplement the education provided at school.  Give your children correct information to make healthy and responsible decisions. Discuss your feelings about abstinence, birth control, STD’s, & AIDS.  These are tough subjects, but teens want to know your perspective and expectations regarding these issues.

·         Talk with your teen…often…and listen.  It’s not an option anymore.  Give opportunities for the development of a moral and ethical basis from which your teenager can make sound life decisions.  Discuss your feelings and values.   Define sex and sexual activity with them (any skin-to-skin contact with the genitals) and educate them on the risks (STDs, pregnancy, emotional). Emphasize that oral sex is also included in this. Explain that in some cases, early sexual activity can have a negative impact on their self-esteem and can lead to a negative reputation. Demonstrate healthy sexuality in the home. Emphasize respect of the opposite sex.

·         Seek outside help when the need arises.  Schools, religious organizations, clinics, health departments, counseling services and doctors may provide information, care or referrals as needed. The internet, libraries, friends and family can also be helpful.

Videos and Books

Restoring the Teenage Soul: by Margaret J. Meeker, M.D.

Epidemic: by Margaret J. Meeker, M.D.

Sex Q &A – Kids’ Questions, Parents’ Answers: National
Physicians Center for Family Resources

How to Help Your Teenager Postpone Sexual Involvement:  by Marion Howard

Raising a Child Conservatively in a Sexually Permissive World:  by Sol Gordon, Ph.D. and Judith Gordon, M.S.W.

Sexually Transmitted Diseases

(also known as STIs: Sexually Transmitted Infections)

Sexually transmitted diseases are infections that are passed during oral, anal or vaginal intercourse, or intimate contact with infected blood or other body fluids. Most of these “germs” need warm, moist places to grow—like the mouth, rectum, and sex organs. All it takes is one sexual encounter to be at risk of getting an STD. And remember, one in four sexually active teens will get an STD this year.

Some STDs cause pain, but many times a person has no symptoms and may not know they are infected. Of those who are sexually active, 80% of women and 50% of men initially show no symptoms when they have contracted an STD. If left untreated, an STD may permanently damage one’s health, destroy future fertility and possibly cause death.

Don’t ignore a symptom hoping it will go away. It won’t. Bacterial STDs can be treated with antibiotics and can go away if caught early on. All partners must also be treated to prevent re-infection. Viral STDs, on the other hand, can be treated but stay with you for the rest of your life. But the stage at which they are discovered is crucial to the level of damage that can be done long-term.

Although condoms can protect to a certain degree with some STDs (HIV/AIDS being the STD from which they provide the most protection), they do not provide complete protection from all STDs. In fact, condoms provide little to no protection from  HPV (genital warts) which is a virus and can lead to cervical cancer in women.

Types of STDs

Chlamydia

·         This bacterial infection is a major cause of Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID) in women, epididymitis in men and may lead to sterility in both.

·         Most women have NO symptoms.

·         Symptoms can include itching, vaginal or penile discharge, and discomfort when urinating.

·         10-29% of sexually active teenage women have Chlamydia.

·         This infection can be treated with antibiotics.

**PID Explanation – An inflammation of the female upper genital tract by the spread of infectious agents from the cervix to the uterus and fallopian tubes. 

Genital Warts (condyloma, Human Papilloma Virus)

·         Can be contracted simply by skin-to-skin contact with the genitals (does not require exchange of bodily fluids).

·         Can cause warts on both internal and external genitalia.

·         The wart itself can be treated, but the virus remains in the body lifelong, and symptoms can reoccur.

·         HPV may cause abnormal pap smears and lead to precancerous conditions.  This infection is considered the most prevalent STD, causing over 90% of cervical cancer.  At least 20 million Americans are currently infected. 

·         15% of sexually active teenage women have genital warts.

·         It has been documented that when it comes to HPV, condoms provide little to no protection.

Gonorrhea

·         This bacterial infection can cause PID in women, prostatitis and epidydimitis in men and may lead to sterility in both.

·         It can cause heart trouble, skin diseases and blindness.

·         Symptoms can include pelvic pain and vaginal/penile discharge.

·         This infection can be treated with antibiotics.

Hepatitis B

·         This is a virus that can cause permanent liver damage.

·         Symptoms can include yellowing of the skin or eyes.

·         Some people recover completely; some cannot be cured.

Herpes

·         This is a very contagious virus that causes painful blisters.

·         This infection cannot be cured but medication can hasten the healing process, lessen the discomfort and decrease the frequency of outbreaks.

·         It is estimated that 20% of all Americans over the age of 11

·         are infected with genital Herpes and this is not the most common STD.

HIV–Human Immunodeficiency Virus

·         HIV causes a breakdown of the body’s defense system.

·         This infection cannot be cured.

·         Read more about HIV in the next section.

HIV/AIDS

What are HIV and AIDS?

AIDS stands for:

Acquired: Something received from someone else.

Immune: The system in your body that fights illness.

Deficiency: The immune system is not functioning properly.

Syndrome: A group of signs or symptoms.

The Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) causes AIDS. All people with AIDS have HIV, but not all people with HIV have progressed to a diagnosis of AIDS.  AIDS occurs after HIV has destroyed the body’s immune system. If your body’s immune system is no longer functioning, opportunistic diseases attack your body, which is unable to fight them off.  On average, once in the body, HIV takes approximately 10 years until a diagnosis of AIDS is rendered.

How is HIV spread?

For most people, there are two common ways of becoming infected:

·         Through sexual contact with someone who has been infected with HIV/AIDS.   Sexual contact includes oral, vaginal or anal intercourse.

·         Sharing needles with someone who has HIV/AIDS

However, one can also become infected:

·         During pregnancy or birth from a mother infected with HIV/AIDS

·         Through breast-feeding.

Can You “Catch” HIV?

No. Unlike other viruses, HIV is not spread through the air, water, or casual contact. You can’t get HIV from toilet seats, clothing, handshakes, hugs, coughs, sneezes, sweat, or tears. You won’t get HIV from a mosquito bite, donating blood, sharing food or living with someone who has the disease. It is extremely unlikely to get HIV from a blood transfusion. Since 1985, all donated blood and plasma is tested for antibodies to HIV. However, once exposed to HIV, it may take up to 6 months for the antibodies to develop in the body. Since the test is screening for HIV antibodies, not HIV virus, it is possible that some contaminated blood may be donated.

Is There A Vaccine for HIV?  Can AIDS Be Cured?

No. Medicine can treat the symptoms of HIV infection and AIDS, but there is no vaccine available to prevent the disease. There are drugs that can slow the attack and reduce the amount of virus in the blood.   Knowledge and responsible behavior are the best ways to lower the risk of infection, as HIV does not discriminate.

How Can the Risk of Infection Be Reduced?

·         Do not have sex! Abstinence is the best method to protect yourself from HIV, other STDs and pregnancy. You can get infected from even one sexual experience. Another way to reduce your risk is to have one lifetime, monogamous relationship with an uninfected person. For those who may have already been involved sexually in the past, it is still possible to aim for this type of relationship in your future. Limit your number of sex partner.  The important thing is to know if your partner has been infected and make sure you both are tested.

·         If you are sexually active, always use a new latex condom with each sexual act. Put the condom on before any contact. When considering oral sex, use a dental dam, non-lubricated condom cut up the side and unrolled, or regular saran wrap. Water based lubricant (not petroleum jelly or baby oil) may be used to increase safety.

·         Never share any kind of needle or syringe. ANY object that breaks the skin should not be shared. If that is not possible, learn to clean your works at least 3 times with bleach and rinse with water before and after each use.

·         Don’t use alcohol or other drugs. Educate yourself about HIV/AIDS & STD’s.

·         Have yourself and your partner tested for HIV.

·         Whether you have sex and whether you use condoms are decisions you can make over and over again. You can choose not to not be sexually active, even if you have had sex in the past. You can choose to use condoms even if you haven’t used condoms before. Use what you have learned to make decisions that are good for you and for your partner to reduce the risk of infection. (From HIV and AIDS by the American Red Cross).

The HIV Test

HIV testing is available using standard blood tests, oral fluid testing or new technology known as the OraQuick Advance Rapid HIV-1 and 2 Antibody Test.  The specific blood test tells if a person has been infected with HIV six months prior to the test date. The body develops antibodies as an immune response to fight off the virus, but it may take up to six months after infection to have enough antibodies to be detected by the blood test.  The rapid HIV test enables health care providers to immediately help individuals make decisions that reduce the chance of transmitting HIV to others.  The key to preventing the spread of HIV is helping more individuals become aware of their status.

To take an HIV test, call the health department or AIDS organization for local clinics that offer free or low-cost, anonymous testing and counseling.   The new rapid HIV test is available at low or no cost in approximately 30 of California's 58 counties, with plans in place for statewide availability by the end of 2005. The simple procedure provides HIV results within a single testing and counseling visit using oral samples or blood drawn from a finger prick.

For more information about AIDS or HIV testing, contact the California AIDS Hotline at 1-800-367-AIDS (2437). For more information about the programs and services of CDHS' Office of AIDS and for California-specific HIV and AIDS case data, log on to www.dhs.ca.gov/AIDS.

HIV/AIDS Now

·         The number of illnesses and deaths associated with HIV and AIDS continues to rise, and the statistics associated with the illness are alarming.   The total number of people living with HIV rose to its highest level ever in 2004.  An estimated 39.4 million people are living with the virus.  The AIDS epidemic is affecting woman and girls in increasing numbers.  Globally, just under half of all people living with AIDS are female.  Currently over one million Americans have HIV (Center for Disease Control).

·         It is also estimated that 40,000 to 80,000 Americans become infected every year. That means approximately 1 in 250 Americans is infected with the virus. And the Federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that as many as 280,000 individuals in the United States are infected with HIV and are unaware of their status.

·         From July 1, 2002 through April 30, 2005,  37,166 HIV cases were reported to the California Department of Health Services' (CDHS) Office of AIDS. Of that number, 50% of new HIV infections are occurring in people under age 25.

·         From 1981 through April 30, 2005, 136,994 AIDS cases were reported in California and 79,777 individuals died from the disease.

·         Contra Costa County Health Department estimates 4,900 Contra Costa residents have been infected with HIV.   Of that number, 2,538 have been diagnosed and reported to have AIDS; and 1,588 of those individuals diagnosed with AIDS have died.

For Parents as Educators

Throughout your child’s life you’ve been teaching your values by how you act and what you say. The teenage years are a period of testing—testing limits, testing values, and testing your patience! As we have learned, teens are surrounded in this day and age by sex. Whether they are sexually active or not, they know much more than we realize, but often it’s not the facts. Parents must talk about sex with their teens – what sexual activity includes, what the risks are and what a powerful impact it can have. In closing, here are some helpful tips in building that relationship with your child:

·         Turn off the television.

·         Talk to your kids, and listen too.

·         It’s never too early to answer their questions, but it can be too late. Use age appropriate terms.

·         Use those teachable moments—a newspaper article, a movie, or a song—as opportunities for dialogue.

·         Educate yourself so you can educate your teenagers. Use the library or the internet.

·         Get over your embarrassment. Your teenager’s health is at stake. If you can’t get over the embarrassment, find someone who can!

Remember that peer pressure is intense for teens and the lure of belonging may be so strong that teens may not be able to resist.

Gay, Lesbian, & Bisexual Youth

Finding out that your child is gay or lesbian changes your life forever––both as a parent and as a person.

A child’s coming out can often result in a period of difficult adjustment for a family. However, this period can result in an opportunity to grow with your child and become much closer.

The first and often most challenging step we must take is to accept our child’s sexual orientation. Homosexuals and bisexuals are no more able to alter their sexual orientation than their heterosexual counterparts. One in four families have a gay member. Keep in mind that your child has trusted you with one of his or her deepest secrets and is the same child that he or she was the moment before he or she shared his/her homosexuality.

Being homosexual or bisexual is not a choice—like being right handed or left-handed, or being blue-eyed or brown-eyed is not a choice. Even though you, as a parent, experience your own suffering, think about what your child has suffered and that your son or daughter has had enough confidence in your love and support to share this with you.

The possible isolation, alienation, fear of rejection, and other accompanying stresses which are often part of being young and in a sexual minority can diminish self-esteem and provide the impetus to engage in high-risk and self-destructive behaviors, including drug and alcohol abuse, eating disorders, unsafe sex and suicide. Gay and lesbian youth face many difficulties. They are two to three times more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol and three times more likely to commit suicide than their heterosexual peers.

Negative reactions by parents to a child coming out are typical. But if you can remember that this is your child whom you have loved and supported for all his or her life, you can continue to love and support the child through the challenges to be faced in the future.

The most important message we can send to our gay and lesbian children is one of acceptance and understanding. Parents of gay children frequently experience sadness stemming from negative stereotypes displayed in the media. It is our responsibility to counter these stereotypes with the images of our wonderful and productive children.

Facts From PFLAG:

Parents, Family & Friends of Lesbians & Gays

·         In a study of 5,000 gay men and women, 35% of gay men and 38% of gay women had seriously considered or attempted suicide. (The Gay Report: Lesbian and gay men speak out about their sexual experiences and lifestyles. New York: Summit)

·         Studies show that gay men were six times more likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual men; lesbian women were two times more likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual women. (Homosexuals: A study of diversity among men and women. New York. Simon & Schuster)

·         In a study of homeless youth entering a shelter, 65% of gay youth had attempted suicide as compared to 19% of the heterosexual youth. (client statistics, Larkin Street Youth Center, SF)

Bisexual:

A bisexual person is attracted to persons of the opposite sex as well as people of the same sex

Transgender:

A transgender person is someone who identifies both physically and emotionally with the opposite gender. For example, a person born biologically female would dress as a man and adopt a traditionally male persona. Some transgender people will seek or wish to have sex realignment surgery, as he or she feels “born in the wrong body.” (San Francisco Sex Information Hotline)

Suggested Reading:

Now That You Know, by Betty Fairchild and Nancy Howard

Beyond Acceptance, by Caroline Griffin, Marian and Arthur Wirth